Sweetmantra: Internet Marketing Advice

Torpedoes, Carrots, and Pythons: My Favourite Spam Subject Lines

While I despise spam email, I must confess that I get a certain guilty pleasure from the copywriting 'skills' of the spammers.

A few years ago, I started collecting some of the more outlandish and (at least to me) amusing email subject lines from the many thousands of spam emails I received promoting various 'solutions' related to my private parts.

It takes a certain twisted creative genius to make your spam message stand out from the rest. And whoever wrote these gems certainly has mad talent, at least by spammer standards. Sometimes the writing is clever. Sometimes it is accidentally funny. And sometimes it's just plain bizarre.

Here are 10 of my all-time favourites:

1. "Small friend is for hiding, big friend is for showing off."
Even if the product they are pitching works as promised, I still don't think I would be walking around the neighbourhood showing off the results.

2. "The hard friend in your pants will look up into the sky."
Thanks, but I would prefer it if my friends stayed out of my pants.

3. "Men will see your power in every public shower."
If they did, wouldn't I be arrested?

4. "Who doesn't love a big gun in the pants."
Isn't that what holsters are for?

5. "Make your love torpedo drive all the way to her tanker."
Maybe I missed that SexEd class, but I'm not entirely clear on where I would find a woman's tanker.

6. "Transform from a grass snake to a python."
Have you ever seen a python? Ick!

7. "Make your man's carrot grow."
What the heck are they selling, fertilizer?

8. "To the stars your manhood flies when you are happy with your size."
This writer's a poet and they don't even know it.

9. "We can make your man's volcano erupt like a famous Etna!"
Lava. Fire. Smoke. Thanks, but I can do without those in the bedroom.

10. "Put your doughnut in her oven."
If my 'thing' looks like a doughnut, I should see a doctor.

I hope the days of the spammer are numbered. Until then, at least we have can enjoy a good laugh at their expense.

Seven Killer Reasons to Attend the 2008 Digital Marketing Conference

As you may have noticed, I've been busy spreading the word on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter about the 11th annual Digital Marketing Conference, which is being held in Toronto on October 29th and 30th. I'm on the Organizing Committee for this year's Conference and after months of planning we are now finally able to publicly share our excitement about the speakers and sessions we've arranged for you to experience.

Here, in my opinion, are seven of the best reasons to attend the 2008 Digital Marketing Conference:

1. Rob Master from Unilever will be talking about how one of the world's biggest traditional advertisers has fully embraced digital marketing, especially social media.
2. David Pogue, technology columnist for The New York Times, will be riffing about Disruptive Technology. David's brilliant and entertaining, which is a rare combination in my books. Here's a link to a funny video of David Pogue in action!
3. Everyone I talk to these days is struggling to hire good people. That's why we've persuaded Charlie Gray from Google and Bruce Powell from IQ Partners to talk about how to recruit and retain digital marketing talent.
4. The videogame industry is bigger than Hollywood, and so we've lined up Ron Bertram from Nintendo of Canada to reveal how he helped take the company to the top of the videogame market in Canada.
5. Just in time for the biggest shopping season of the year, Derek Szeto from RedFlagDeals.com will share an awesome and uniquely Canadian Boxing Week case study.
6. The Experience Exchange Roundtables are back by very popular demand. This is your chance to pick the brains of some of the country's smartest digital marketing minds. I'll leave it up to you to decide if I qualify for that title, but I will be leading a roundtable on Domain Name Strategy.
7. Coming up right after the Roundtables is the Networking Reception. The company I work for, Tucows, is sponsoring the reception and we've got a few treats in store for attendees so you definitely won't want to miss this.

So there you have it, a small taste of the inspiring and informative agenda we've got planned for you at this year's Digital Marketing Conference.

Don't wait until the last minute to register. For the last several years, the Digital Marketing Conference always sells out and we literally have to turn people away at the door. Head on over to http://www.the-cma.org/digital for more details and to register today.

I hope to see you there.

Expert Tips on Writing for the Web from Kindha Gorman of MightyThink

My good friend Kindha Gorman officially launches her own Web writing boutique, MightyThink, this week. Since I have always admired her wit and way with words, I thought that interviewing her about her new company and writing for the Web might be both educational and fun.

Q. So I just have to ask you, Kindha, what motivated you to leave the stability of a full-time job to launch your own boutique, MightyThink?

Starting a content development firm like MightyThink has been one of my long-time goals. After spending considerable time learning about the domain name business, I saw an opportunity to contribute.

As the domain industry changes, relevant and quality content is becoming essential for premium domains. Websites have so much more potential when the content is useful, timely, and engaging. That's where MightyThink comes in.

Sure, a cushy full-time job has its perks but writing is my passion. Launching MightyThink is my way of being involved in this exciting domain industry by doing what I, and my team of writers, do best.

Plus, my fourth grade teacher said I had a problem with authority, so I figured I should just become my own boss. It's best for everyone.

Q. What's the most frequent mistake you see people making when it comes to the copy on their Websites?

Sadly, the Web is full of boring, irrelevant, and outdated copy.

Above it all, the most common mistake I have noticed is Websites that don't properly cater to their target audiences. When creating content for your site, think of your readers and the reasons they're likely on your site. Does your site give them all the information they need? Is it clear? Is it engaging? Is it visually friendly? Is it easy to read?

When you have a domain name, or a brand you want to market, you have a great opportunity to captivate your audience and make sure they visit again.

Since we're on the topic, here a few more of my pet peeves:

• Unclear messages;
• Long pages;
• Outdated information;
• Long paragraphs and no white space;
• A lack of keywords to entice the search engine;
• Off-topic and/or boring copy; and
• Spelling and grammar mistakes (A big no-no easily fixed by hiring an editor. The spellcheck function, by the way, is not an editor.).

Q. A lot of companies are interested in launching a blog but struggle with creating the content for it and keeping the blog updated. What advice do you give to clients like this?

A blog is a great tool to ensure there's fresh content on your site. The downside is that you have to invest a certain amount of time and energy to make sure people come back regularly. It sounds easy but there's some planning involved.

If you want to get your blog bookmarked by your target audience (and I imagine you do), the blog needs to be:

• updated daily;
• about relevant and timely topics;
• written in a conversational tone;
• professional looking and sounding; and
• interesting!

This may seem like a daunting task, especially since there are only 24 hours in the day. Many companies hire outside writers, who understand their goals and messages, to act as their voice. This frees up much-needed time, but still maintains a relevant blog.

Q. How important are online press releases?

A keyword-rich and well-optimized press release is quickly becoming an invaluable marketing tool for businesses to generate traffic and drum up clients.

Not only do online press releases tout news about your business quickly and effectively, they also can be easily optimized with keywords to ensure they're indexed by the almighty search engines. By adding some strategic links and relevant keywords, your little press release (and your Website) will attract the eyes of journalists, researchers, RSS feeds, search engines, news subscribers, and most importantly, your target audience.

Here's a tip: If you're writing the news release yourself, keep your press release to one page, two pages if absolutely necessary. If it's any longer than two pages, journalists become grumpy. No one likes a grumpy journalist.

Thanks, Kindha, and best of luck with your new company!

Kindha Gorman is the owner and brain behind MightyThink's brawn. With over 10 years of experience in writing, marketing, and strategic planning, Kindha has written for magazines, newspapers, Websites, large retail chains, healthcare organizations, financial institutions, and high tech outfits. Throughout her varied career, she has learned a thing or two about good writing. Just ask her. She has bored many of her friends with lectures about the proper use of commas, hyphens, and semi-colons.

My Internet Marketer's Diary: Chapter 1 - Sewing the Seeds

Last week, I officially launched my newest online venture, Hollywoozy, the first Website devoted to reviewing movie domain names.

One of the many reasons I am always launching new things is that it gives me a chance to experiment with and refine different marketing tactics, and Hollywoozy is no different.

What is different this time, however, is that I am going to lift up the curtain and share some of the marketing tactics I am using to promote my venture, along with the results. In most cases, these tactics do not involve spending any money, although they all require spending some time to implement.

In this first chapter of my Internet Marketer's Diary, I am going to list five of the key tactics I used leading up to Hollywoozy's official launch on July 20, 2008. I consider these the essential building blocks of a good online marketing campaign.

1. Build the Site with Search Engines in Mind

In addition to following SEO (search engine optimization) best practices, one of the best ways to ensure a site is very search engine friendly is to create it using a blog platform, because search engines love blogs. My site was created using TypePad, which is my favourite professional blogging platform, however you could probably achieve similar results using WordPress. I also made sure that my site featured the most heavily searched keywords and key phrases that I was targeting. For instance, since Hollywoozy is about movie domain names, I made sure the phrase "domain names" was used extensively throughout the site on every single page.

2. Invite the Search Engines to Crawl the Website Prior to Launch

I wanted to give the search engines a head start on finding my site, so I added discrete links to my new site from some of the other heavily trafficked Websites that I own. This got my site indexed by Google a few days prior to its official launch, so that when people started to search for "Hollywoozy" in Google on the day of launch (which many did, according to my Web analytics reports), the site was already listed in Google's search results.

3. Use Tags to Define the Content of the Website

Prior to launch, I registered my site with Technorati (the leading blog directory and search engine), complete with a keyword-loaded description and lots of relevant tags. Technorati is frequently and deeply crawled by the search engine spiders, and within 24 hours Google had found Hollywoozy's listing on Technorati.

4. Generate Targeted Traffic via a Multiple Domain Name Strategy

I am proud of the unusual brand name I came up with for my site, however I am the first to admit that "Hollywoozy'" is not a descriptive name. That's why I also registered moviedomainnames.com and a few other descriptive, keyword-loaded domain names, which I pointed to my new site. The $28 (total) I spent registering the four domain names was the only cash outlay I made towards marketing the Website. That's peanuts to pay for the targeted type-in traffic my site will likely get from these domains over time.

5. Invite Some Enthusiasts to a Sneak Peek

In the week prior to launch, I used my Facebook status line (and Facebook's message service) to invite my friends and colleagues to let me know if they were interested in getting a "sneak preview" of my newest venture. The curious keeners who responded got early access to my site. Not only did they tell some of their friends and colleagues about the site (thank you, everyone!), but they were also a great source of feedback and ideas. Michel Neray, for instance, suggested I make a small but important tweak to how I displayed my domain name reviews, and I quickly took him up on the idea. All told, about 20 people in my personal network got an early peek at the site, and they helped to quickly spread the word post-launch.

In the next chapter of my Marketer's Diary, I will reveal the tactics I used to kick off the official launch of the site, as well as share some of the results to date. For a taste of how successful the launch was, try doing a Google search for "movie domain names" (which is the focus of my site) and see if you can spot Hollywoozy in the search results. ;+)

The Serious Business of Funny Email

It's no secret that using humour is a powerful marketing strategy that marketers can use to attract and acquire new customers. Every day we're likely to see a whole raft of 'funny' ads, the collective effort of creative teams who have worked very hard to come up with them.

I'm sure that you have, at least once in your life, been attracted to the products or services of a company because their marketing material made you laugh. (The same can be said of marketing material that is intended to make you cry, but that's another blog post...)

But what about using humour to retain customers? Which companies are making their current customers laugh for all the right reasons?

A little company called CD Baby is.

Until a few weeks ago I had never even heard of CD Baby. I stumbled across them while trying to find out where to purchase the debut CD from a Canadian band I admire, Delhi 2 Dublin. It turned out that their CD was available at CD Baby, an online music retailer that calls itself "the little store with the best new independent music."

"Cool," I thought to myself. I quickly found and ordered the CD on CD Baby's Website, and then promptly moved on to the next item on my to do list.

The next day, I got an email from CD Baby confirming that my CD had been shipped. This was no ordinary email, however. While most e-tailers send confirmation emails to customers once a product has been shipped - which is a best practice - this was the funniest and most memorable order confirmation email I have ever received.

Here's an excerpt:

"Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow...

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package..."

So as not to spoil the surprise should you ever become a customer of CD Baby and receive one of these emails, I have left out some of the email's content.

Not only did I laugh out loud when I read this email, but I immediately showed it to my wife (who was sitting near me at the time). "Wow. That makes me want to buy from them," she said. I couldn't agree more.

Thanks to the clever use of humour in their order confirmation email, CD Baby not only forged a tighter bond with me as one of their current customers, but they also motivated me to share my positive experience with prospective customers - first my wife, and now you.

And that's nothing to laugh at.

Does Your Domain Name Have a Dirty Secret?

When it comes to choosing a domain name for your business, it helps to have a 'dirty' mind. Otherwise you might end up being stuck with a domain name that will get you into trouble with word-based content filters.

That's right, if your domain name inadvertently contains a 'naughty' keyword or phrase, your entire Website may be blocked by content blocking filters still commonly used by large corporations, libraries, schools, and overprotective parents. Your site might also be hindered from showing up in some search engines, and some of the email messages you send from your domain could end up being blocked by spam filters.

Here are some fictitious examples of what at first appear to be innocent domain names:

• HireThisExCopper [dot-something]
• EssexWorld [dot-something]

Look closer, however, and you will notice that the first domain contains the word "sex" and the second contains the phrase "sex world." Both of these domains could end up running into trouble with filters, especially the second one.

And can you spot what's problematic with these domain names?

• ScanAlley [dot-something]
• CanalTours [dot-something]

Both contain the word "anal" which also poses a risk of running afoul of filters.

You get the idea...

So before deciding on your next domain name, be sure to scrutinize it carefully. Look for any and all 'troublesome' words and phrases. The last thing you want is to have your seemingly innocuous domain name misinterpreted by word-based content filters.

2007 Digital Marketing Conference

The death of Princess Diana. The Bre-X scandal. James Cameron's Titanic.

Where were you in 1997? And what were you doing?

Although it seems hard to believe, this year marks the - gasp! - 10th anniversary of the Canadian Marketing Association's Digital Marketing Conference.

I'm on the organizing committee for this conference and we've really tried to pull out all the stops in honour of this year's first decade mark.

Some of the featured speakers we've lined up include Mike Murphy from Facebook, Chuck Porter from Crispin Porter + Bogusky, and Simon Assaad from Heavy.com.

Ipsos Reid returns for a second year with the results of The Canadian Digital Marketing Pulse survey and we've just added a very special surprise session for Thursday afternoon featuring four Canadians you won't want to miss.

The enormously popular roundtables, "The Experience Exchange," are back by popular demand, and yes, yours truly will be moderating one of the roundtables on podcasting.

If you're serious about Internet marketing, please join me and a few hundred other Internet marketing enthusiasts at the 10th annual Digital Marketing Conference in Toronto, Canada on Thursday, October 25 and Friday, October 26.

For more information and to register, visit the 2007 Digital Marketing Conference Website.

Tools I Love: Gmail

This is the first installment in an ongoing series dedicated to the tools I regularly use and recommend as an Internet marketer.

What the heck is it?
Gmail is Google's Web-based email service, although lumping Gmail in with other Web-based email services like Hotmail does Gmail a disservice. It really is in a league of its own.

Why do I like it?
Unlike any other Web-based email I have ever used, Gmail is as fast and full-featured as any desktop-based email solution (such as Outlook or Eudora). It has excellent message filtering and categorizing, the fastest search feature you will likely ever experience, and its built-in spam detection engine is one of the best I've ever seen. Most of the people I've introduced to it have pretty well abandoned all their other email solutions and have migrated to Gmail; it's just that good. Every account comes with a massive 2.5 gigs (yes, that's 2,500 megabytes) of storage space, so it's going to be a long time before you have to worry about deleting any email messages. Best of all, Gmail is constantly evolving as the geniuses at Google add new features and refinements to the system based on user feedback.

Where do I get it?
You can find out more about Gmail at www.gmail.com however in order to get a Gmail account you need to be invited by someone who is lucky enough to already have one. (Yes, if you ask nicely, I'd be happy to invite you into the fold.)

How much does it cost?
Gmail is free.

Insider's Tip:
You don't have to migrate to Gmail completely in order to enjoy its many benefits. Since every Gmail account has a ton of storage space, it's ideal for use as an ad hoc email backup system. Simply configure your main email address to also forward a copy to your Gmail account. Should you ever have problems getting email from your primary email server, simply log in to your Gmail account and retrieve your messages from there.

The Little Internet Marketing Tactic That Could

It's time to pay tribute to a powerful yet simple Internet marketing tactic that is often overlooked in favour of more "cool" options.

I am referring to the 'lowly' email signature file.

A signature (or SIG) file is a brief chunk of copy that is automatically appended to the footer of your outgoing email messages. Most email programs allow you to set this up in advance, and some allow you to easily choose and rotate between different SIG files.

If you work for yourself or a company, I strongly recommend that you - at the very least - include your name, title, company name, and contact info in your SIG file. (For those of you who are rolling your eyes at this 'obvious' suggestion, you'd be amazed how many people forget to include their phone number. Monitor your inbound email during the course of the next few days and you'll see what I mean.) Even if you don't have a Website, make sure that your email address is included as a clickable link.

You should also consider including a brief description of your business, your tag line (if one exists), and perhaps a specific offer or call to action. This could be a brief blurb about an upcoming seminar you're giving, a link to your blog, or an invitation (and link) to subscribe to your email newsletter.

Don't be deceived by their simplicity. A SIG file can be a very effective tool. It costs nothing, you can change it as often as you want, and it's a smart and efficient way to gently remind everyone you correspond with about your products or services.

The "Get GOT" Gotcha with Campaigner

When does 'branding' cross the line and become annoying? Here's when...

I've been a fan, and customer, of GOT Corporation (formerly GotMarketing) and their Campaigner self-serve email marketing system for many years. I've also set up a number of my smaller clients with their own Campaigner accounts so they can manage their own email newsletters.

The last time I set up a new client with a Campaigner account I made a shocking discovery.

In the good old days, Campaigner users had the option of toggling on or off a "Get GOT" logo and link in the footer of every email they sent using the system. If you felt like promoting the fact you use Campaigner, you could include the GOT Corporation branding at the bottom of your emails. If you didn't feel like giving GOT free advertising, you could choose to omit this footer.

Today, if you sign up for a new Campaigner account of less than USD $150 a month, you have no choice whether or not your emails get the "Get GOT" branding on them. The only way you can remove this free advertising is to pay an additional USD $250 service charge, and you have to contact an account manager at GOT to find this out.

I think GOT has this completely ass-backward. Why should I, as a paying customer, have to pay GOT an additional fee to stop involuntarily shilling for them? If anything, GOT should be paying its customers a fee for all the free advertising it is getting, or at least giving its customers an affiliate commission on any sales they generate.

Imagine if this obnoxious 'branding' strategy was applied to other similar services, like your phone, so that every time you called someone the person on the other end would be forced to hear "this phone call powered by Bell."

Of course, GOT did not invent this annoying practice, although they are apparently well on their way to perfecting it. Many other email service providers, as well as other online marketing Application Service Providers, have gone 'branding' berserk, although multiple wrongs do not make a right.

Mark my words, a major selling point and differentiator for email service providers (even at the low-end of the market) will be their willingness to let their customers choose whether or not they want to feature the service provider's branding in their emails.